I had to take a few minutes to think about why I am where I am. Not that it is a bad place or a good place, it is just where I am. Right now. It’s not where I will always be and it’s not where I’ve been, so there is much to be said about where I am right now.
How did I get here? I don’t know. I really don’t. I use to want to know the answer to everything. I wanted to be able to point out how everything happens and label something for nothing. I had to have a reason for why things were happening and I really wanted to be able to explain to myself and more importantly other people how and why things happen. Because really, I don’t have to know why. I don’t have to explain to myself how things happened. Or why things happened. Because it happened to me. It happened for me. It happened through me. So why would I have to create a story or a meaning for how things are? I don’t need to remind myself where I was or where I am, in order to get where I’m going. I’m going there. I will get there. But I am where I am. So I need not worry about understanding how. Or why. Or who. Because I know how I got here. I don’t know why. I don’t need to understand why. Honestly, I can’t really explain why. I just am. I am here. I am present and I’m not really quite sure what’s ahead.
Before, I would have wanted to plan it all. I wanted to write out my entire life so that I can tell myself how to be right now. How to handle everything right now because there is great things ahead. But I can’t. I don’t have the answers.
-& finally, I don’t want the answers. I really don’t. I don’t want to know what’s ahead.
That’ll just ruin the surprise!