There was this one time …

So I’m in Chicago for the weekend, one of my best friends is having a baby and she’s having her baby shower here. I’m super excited for her. It’s crazy seeing your friends grow and develop into amazing people… 

Chicago has always been special for me. I’ve fell out of love, into love, and expanded my love in Chicago. There is something about this city that makes me feel free and alive. Whenever I’m in Chicago I feel like a big girl. Free to live. Free to love. . 

I was thinking. About this one time…

There was this guy I met. I think I feel in love with him the first time I ever met him. It was weird. Here I was free and liberated. I was thinking and thinking and thriving. I had just gotten over a very toxic relationship. When I say just gotten over, I mean the relationship had been over for a while, several months, but I couldn’t get over it. As much as I knew it was over, he has already moved on, I held on for so long. But this was the first weekend of me being out. I felt it. I was free. 

And then I met him. But I remember meeting him. I would act like I forget, but I could never forget. He sees the world so differently. Which makes me love him. & He was so funny. And charming. And intelligent. I could tell he was smart. Not in a ‘i’m super intelligent way,’ but in a confident and wise way. Like he looked like wisdom. Lol. Seriously. And I won’t go into details about him, but I loved him. Instantly . I was all  googly eyes and heart melting just being around him. He made me nervous. I’m never nervous in front of guys. Like ever. But he made me nervous. Lol. It was a good feeling though. Almost as if I didn’t want him to see the real me. But I really wanted to know him. I loved him.  Not in a ‘I love you kind of way,’ but kind of in a ‘I love who you are.’ Just who you are. I think we’ve forgotten how to just love people. Just for who they are. Flaws and all. That’s who they are. How can you not love them for that. Just being who they are. That’s what love is. It’s accepting. It’s caring and then not caring. It’s allowing someone else to be who they are and loving it. Because who else and how else should they be? But things were so complicated. But I really wanted to know him. 

How can you if you don’t want them to really know you. We haven’t spoke in a while. I miss him sometimes. In a way that’s like, my soul misses your soul. I feel like I know him, but there is so much more than I don’t know about him. Sometimes, curiosity  is everything . Which makes me miss him. Missing someone you feel like you could have known better but you didn’t allow yourself to let go and explore. Too afraid to be hurt. Too afraid to look stupid. Too afraid. . .Of being.  
I thought about texting him to tell him that I missed his spirit and wish him well. But sometimes I think he knows. And sometimes it is better to just …. think about someone . And that’s okay. 
I believe you can love someone, that you don’t really know. I know a lot of people say, ‘to know me is to love me.’ Knowing someone doesn’t mean you do or don’t love them. Sometimes knowing someone makes you lose love for them. Most people fall out of love because they love someone they thought they knew. Soon, they’ll fall out of love because they really don’t know them. 

There’s beauty in knowing and loving someone. 

There is great beauty in loving someone you kind of don’t know … 

How can you really know someone? When we barely know ourselves. We’re constantly growing, changing, and evolving. The person you know today, may not be the person I was yesterday. To say you know mean, would take me completely knowing me, and sometimes I just don’t know. I know where I am, what I’m doing, and what life is like for me right now. So sometimes I know who I am. Sometimes I don’t. And that okay. 

Sometimes, you just love someone for who you know they are, even if you don’t ‘really’ know them & that’s okay. 


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