I had a dream last night. . .
There was this girl I was familiar with, but I don’t think I know her name. I was eating something (maybe carrots because it was loud and I had to chew a lot). She was headed into her band or music class. I just watched her. She couldn’t see me, but I was watching and she went into class. Same time, same place.
I was there. Just watching.
Eventually I asked where she was going and why she kept going. I couldn’t understand why she was going to that class or why I was sitting there. But the more I watched, the more I wanted to go. I sat outside not knowing what was behind those walls, but I continued watching her. Something about her was interesting.
She looked happy. She looked free. & she never noticed me.
She just kept going. Coming in and out. Smiling. Happy. I wanted that. I wanted to go. .
It was almost like I wanted her to see me. I needed her to notice me and invite me. I had been there sitting and watching for so long and I could have gone myself but something kept me outside. Longing and asking why she kept going.
Eventually I realized I wanting her to give something to me that I could only give myself.
I wanted her to push me, when really I can only push myself . . .
I had a dream last night . . .