The countdown … 46, 45, 44..

The time has come again for us to finish out another year with family, friends, food, and sometimes gifts. I look back at 2018 in amazement of all that has happened and everything that didn’t.

I changed. Life is and never will be the same and I can’t believe I am where I am today. Actually I can believe I am where I am, because something is always happening for and to me. I like to think that someone somewhere in high places loves me enough to never let a new experience pass me by. For that I am grateful.

With 46 days left in 2018, I couldn’t help but reflect on my year. Actually, I had to take a moment and reflect on the past few years. Like the last 10. I met a guy recently who had been wrongly accused of murder and had been in jail since he was 18. At 28, he was starting his life over and wondering what he had missed. . He made me wonder the same thing. What did he miss? A little of this, a lot of that. . I don’t know why his conversation had turned me my curiosity on, but it had only made me wonder … what did he?

10 years….. have you ever sat and thought about time? Where were you 10 years ago? How about 5yrs ago? 2 years ago? Just a year ago from today? Where were you?

10 years ago, I was sitting at home, baby sitting. I was expelled from high school and couldn’t believe I would miss my junior prom. I couldn’t believe my life was in the pit of hell and I was no where near grace or mercy. I miss that girl. She was so timid and afraid, but she was resilient, strong. She never really took no for an answer and even on her cloudy days, she happened to find a little sunshine. She was fearless. Her world was being shifted in ways she didn’t understand, and she pushed through. Who is she? …who was she? Who was I 10 years ago? Looking back I wonder if I could do it all over again. What would I change? How would my life look had I done a few years differently. Surprisingly, I feel as though I would be stepping into this same place. Sooner or later I would come to a moment where I looked back at my life experiences and thanks God for making me who I am. Eventually I would make my mind up that 10 years has really passed and changed me into someone I barely recognize, but love with a deep passion.

2018 has been a year of great change, discomfort, pleasure, pain, confusion, restlessness, and peace. And so the countdown has begun. With 46 days left in this year, I’m using this time to reflect on my last 10 years. Where I’ve been. Where I am. Where I’m going. I wouldn’t consider it a fast, but I do think it is something like a cleanse. I’ve gotten my journals out and I’ve made my list of things I’m leaving in 2018 & what I want more of in 2019. 2018 was the warmup & practice. 2019 seems to be the game, maybe even playoff.

Think over my last 10 years, stooped time a bit. How did I get here? Where am I exactly? Who am I?

A few deep breaths in & out and I’m ready for the countdown to begin. . 46, 45, 44, 43….

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